Hole

I couldn't begin to explain why that hole looked so tempting. Standing on the edge, feet inching ever closer towards the vast open hole in the earth, the wind licking my face like a snake, calling me forward. There it was though, in my living room floor, that mighty chasm had opened while I was masturbating in front of Come Dine With Me. The one guy was alright. He had a nice enough face. But it always angered me that I had to think of him to climax. No other did the job. That always annoyed me. Oh well. So there I was sat in my pyjamas and a great big hole opened up in the floor between the sofa and the television, black as the night sky and just as inviting. At first I thought I was imagining things, but really it was inescapable, there was a hole in my floor the size of the rug. The rug had vanished, no trace, and the coffee table. So as you can imagine I jumped to the only logical conclusion - that the universe was offering me a way out. A free ticket to oblivion with little hassle. That was fairly nice of it, I thought.
But there we go. I stood up, and crept to the edge, staring down into the quiet nothingness below, and dropped myself feet first into the empty spiralling darkness, and those bastards on the telly slowly dropped out of my head forever.