On finding a man

What is love?

What a boring question.

But seriously.

I think I have experienced love. Possibly once. Maybe twice. Can you retroactively love someone? I don't know. Here goes.

___________

It's incredible really - the lengths we go to.

We have this need placed in us to select ONE person from the throng to be our mate, and procreate, but with just one.

We hate the sample, but that does not stop us.

Is it more difficult if you are a man who likes men, to find a suitable partner to aid you on the trip? I'd say so. There is maths involved. If you take, for example, the population of London - twelve million (12,000,000) - take it down to one tenth (average percentage of population that is homosexual) and then halve that (cutting out the females) - we are already down to six hundred thousand (600,000). That's not a lot of people really. And it gets worse! How many of those people will you like? If we assume at least 75% of those will be unsuitable to your tastes (a conservative estimate) we're down to one hundred and fifty thousand (150,000). Now how many people will like you? Assuming that 75% won't like you - you're now down to thirty seven thousand, five hundred. (37,500). That may seem like a large number of people - but if you are a stay at home hermit like me your chances of meeting them are slim. That 37,500 is 0.003% of the population of London. And I was taking the larger figure which includes the outer reaches of London, with conservative estimates of the percentage of the population a person can stand.

__________

I like boys and everything, but sometimes I am tempted by a firm yet subtle vagina.

____________

The chances of finding one person with whom you can SPEND YOUR LIFE are both slim and frightening. Why would you want to? Why I can have as many as two boyfriends at a time! You might say I 'Pulled a Swinton' - only neither of them know about each other. Libra rising - that's me. Always judging.

The people who live in my building play host to a veritable rogues gallery of men - some of them with unsatisfactory penises.

Who could possibly stick to one man, when they are so phenomenally useless on their own. One must top-up! Fill in the multifarious holes with caulk formed from the scruples of other men. There's not a good one among the lot of them. So we create! Art; it's important even when shagging.